On the No.47

Sheila Watts (44) Married, besotted.

An eager-to-please underachiever who tries to combat her lack of self-confidence with yoga and a hidden hip flask. Her mother warned her that if she married Simon her life would never progress beyond the route of the No. 47 bus, but ‘mother dearest’ lived all her life in a 2-up 2-down in Croydon, so who the hell is she to judge?

Simon Watts (39) Married, indifferent.

A nit-picker with a short fuse. The world has yet to appreciate his ‘genius’ and so he has yet to appreciate the world. He visits his mother every Sunday at 2pm without fail for her legendary Sunday Roast. “It’s all about the gravy.”